First birthday without you :o(
It hasnt been too bad, Trev sent me a card and put your name in it. I hope thats ok. It felt right, and it made me feel like you were here. But I really did notice the missing phonecall to wish me a happy birthday. I missed that alot. I hate the nights though, when the day is over and i havent seen you at all, thats when it all becomes real again and i know ill never see you again. I just hate night times so much, they hurt like mad. Its supposed to get easier but it doesnt, it doesnt feel like its ever going to go away. and nothing anyone says will make it feel less painful. ive lost my lovely mam and nothing will ever be the same for me again. i will always forever miss you xxxxxxxxxxx
miss you so much mam, wish i could feel you close to me again. need to hug and kiss you and see your smile again. im so heartbroken ::( xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
song for mam xxx
These tears I cry
If only for a while
I cry cos you're not here by my side
The sadness that I feel
This loneliness unreal
Everyday you're not here by my side
I close my eyes
And I see you smile
I feel your touch
If just for a while
Its easy to believe
You're still here with me
If I close my eyes for a while
I dream a dream
And you're there with me
Smiling just how things used to be
But I open my eyes
And I start to cry
Cos you're not here by my side
We're only a world apart
Its only a lifetime before we're together
I carry your love in my heart
Till we're together forever and ever
Cos I'll see you again
On the other side,
Oh, how I miss you.
everyday is harder than the last. i miss you more and more and the pain gets worse. i wish i could sit just one more time with you and hold your hand. i feel empty inside. i just want my mam back
:'o(
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I said my final goodbye to you on Wednesday. I hope we did you proud.. you had a beautiful send off, and later as the lanterns lit up the sky you would have been smiling. Soon we'll gather again to plant your tree. I thought time was a healer but i just feel more empty with each passing day, i miss you more and more. and the pain gets worse. You are everywhere I look, everything i touch.. and it hurts... to know that I;ll never see you there again, and never feel your touch again. mam i will always love and miss you, the last 6 months have been filled with memories and I will treasure each and every one of them. love you forever and ever
Dawn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I cant see past the sadness in your eyes on all your recent photos. the smile is there but your eyes are sad. Its haunting me so much what you went through. I'm angry at the world and sad that it had to be you. Why do they breathe while you sleep...Katrinas words... and I agree. Why do they all get to walk away and smile and get on with their lives when they are responsible for all you went through and where you are. love you and miss you and ache for you xxxxxxxxxxxx
I miss you
Love you with all my heart. imiss you to bits mam. save a place for me on the other side xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
guilt
i hurt so much. i need that last night back so i can make more conversation. i was so scared and i think i sounded distant but thats cos i was terrified. you wanted to talk and i cant remember if i talked to you enough. so much i cant remember and my head wont stop thinking. and i cant stop asking what if.......
and i will never get over that.
you are a beautiful angel mam and even though you were in pain im being selfish to want one more day with you anyway.
ive got nothing to do now. and i dont know how to go on with these images in my head,
know that i love you and am sorry for all the mistakes i made.
you will always always be missed
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I stopped thinking of you for just a few seconds during a conversation .. the first time i ever didnt think of you..... and you send me bananas? wtf! lol I cant remember what i was talking about when you sent that smell up my nose. Why not rock buns?
Oh god mam, i hope you are at peace. It wasnt what i expected and it was such a shock to us all. I need to know you're happy on the other side, I cant bare this pain. I miss you so much it cuts me to bits this pain does. Why did you wait till I was out the room. I told you I would only be a minute.... I wish you had waited for me.
Every minute every second i think of you.. my heart is broken. Will i ever find the strength to go on..... I almost didnt. that day driving past that point i nearly went into it. but.... had nothing to do what i wanted to do at the time. I just wanted to be with you so badly at that moment. That thought often comes to mind. I just miss you too much and I have this constant pain in my chest - true heartbreak to the core. I didnt think anything could hurt this much mam.
I hope you are at peace, and with Granda again. Send me a sign please. something obvious. let me know you're ok please. someway or another i just need to know. and are you proud of us. Me, Jane and Dale did our best. was it good enough? Did it matter that i forgot what to do - would it have made a difference. im just so tormented by that thought. did i do everything right? im so so sorry if i didnt. i wanted to keep you forever....
I love you so much mam and the ache in my heart might fade one day, but you will never be far from my mind. Always ... forever till we meet again.
Your daughter... your favourite lol... ok maybe not but yes you loved me and i know you did...
love you forever and ever and ever and ever........................
Dawn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
my grandma the most perfect angel
When i was born you became a grandmother for the first time. i could just imaging the smile your oldest daughter put on your face when giving you your first grandchild.
You were such a beautiful grandma inside and out.
I stll cant believe you have gone, i feels so empty without you. You will never be forgotten. Heaven needed a new angel who was talented, brave, loving, helpfull, funny and sometimes stubburn, lucky for him but sad for us that you were so perfect for the job up there. will never stop loving you grandma.
katrina xxxxx
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